Dear Tracy,
Last night, another mother I know sent me a message that simply said: “You’re my Mom Goals. If I can be a quarter of the Valiant Mom you are, then I’d call myself a success”.
And all I could think was this: If only you knew.
If only you knew that today I literally forgot to brush my teeth all day and that last week I didn’t brush my hair for three days because I kept tossing it up into a bun. If only you knew that I had my son completely potty trained and then my husband went away last summer on military orders. Which means my son backtracked completely to square one and only five months later are we mostly back on track. If only you knew that there are days I don’t want to be a mom and I’ve run all out of…we’ll call it motivation. If only you knew that my kitchen, no let’s be honest, my house needs organized like…now, and that is only the literal tip of a figurative iceberg.
So, here is what I have to say to every momma…
You are AMAZING
You made a tiny human and have kept them alive, loved, and occasionally well fed. I’m not going to judge you for your kid’s chicken nugget phase…cause my kid’s in a salami phase. It’s a balanced diet, not a balanced meal. Cut yourself some slack. Why? Because you are just amazing just as you are.
I cannot say this enough: You are amazing. You get up each day and get Sugar Honey Ice Tea done.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Moms
Your kid doesn’t need the mom down the street who carves radish roses for her Sunday dinners and posts about it on the neighborhood app. Your kid doesn’t need the mom on Instagram who posted pictures of her girls jumping into rain puddles wearing the cutest rain boots ever. Your kid doesn’t need the mom from Pinterest who posted about some elaborate craft that involves paint, scissors, an egg carton, pipe cleaners, and glue. Don’t get me started on the glitter. Your kid doesn’t need that mom from Facebook who checked in at Disney World with their kid in an elaborate costume. And to the moms who are those women…you keep doing you.
But to us moms who aren’t…
Your kid just needs you.
Your kid needs you willing to dive into pretend play chasing space pirates with an empty squirt pistol. Your kid needs you to pull up a chair and let them stir the bowl when baking. Your kid just needs you to let them to sometimes make a mess and for you to be present in the moment sharing their joy. Your kid just needs a mother’s hug when it’s been a hard day, for you to pile into their bed to read too many bedtime stories, but most importantly your kid just needs to feel loved.
Social Media Isn’t Real
Look, I’m saying this as someone who professionally runs a blog. (Oh my gosh, you guys…I professionally run this blog. Whoa. Give me a minute, I need at least a minute to absorb this.) Sorry, back to what I was saying…
Social media is a construct.
It is a highly curated selection of pictures and words that isn’t always reflective of the truth in a situation. It’s one of the reasons we created Maternity Fraternity, to share the gritty pieces of motherhood and let others know You Are Not Alone. A feeling that is easy to have when it seems like everyone else is living a perfect life, with perfect children, and perfectly executed Pinterest crafts with their children. Do I wish that we’re creating stained glass windows with little squares of tissue paper and sticky paper? Oh momma, you better believe it. Am I? No. David is more of a Jackson Pollock in Picasso’s blue phase. All blue. All the time. ALL the time. I’m grateful to have moved past the black stage of Christmas (true story) and the brown phase of February because Valentine’s cards to the grandmothers look best in dreary colors. (#sarcasm) Not much style, but a lot of joy because that’s what you get for painting with monster trucks.
Just love your kid
Seriously. Just love your kid, momma, show your kiddo how dearly their are loved and in the end it’ll be enough. You are enough and you are good enough.
Love,
Jess
P.S. Any ideas on how to pep talk another mother? Leave them in the comments below! We read every comment and are grateful you are here to build a community of support with us!
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