Dear Tracy,
What do you do when you’re out of…you know…that? Motivation? Caring? That.
We’re moms. The strongest language we use ends up sounding like a fairy unicorn fell down in briar patch of glitter infested glow bugs. Or, the classic “Captain America!” when you stub your toe. No? Just me? Ah well, maybe it’ll catch on. It’s so Fetch.
Take a Day Off
What?! No, really. Take a day off of chores. Plan a day of your week to only focus on being present.
Mondays are my days off. I don’t cook. I don’t do laundry. I don’t clean. I’m a mom, so I still have to be the mom and do all the mom stuffs, but I skip being everything else. The husband eats leftovers, the tiny human complains his purple shirt is dirty, and I don’t give a care. Yeah…caaaaaare. Guess what? Still ain’t doing it. The tiny human is still dressed, still went to preschool, still came home to good meals and a fun day but I didn’t do the laundry. My husband comes home right around when bedtime starts, so he has leftovers and the responsibility to take the trash to the curb. The dishes can wait, the floors will be swept tomorrow, and I will be present in the moment all day and not worry about anything other than enjoying these days of littleness with my son.
Delegate
Simple. Task absolutely need done? Tell someone else to do it. It is your day off.
Make a Mess
It may seem counterintuitive, but putting your kid at a table with a mess to have fun with will easily get you 20 minutes of breathing room. Paint and monster trucks following immediately by soapy water with scrub brushes to clean them. Cornstarch slime (literally, corn starch and water mixed together) stays good for a week in the fridge after you make it. Markers, stamps, etc. Make your kid’s favorite mess because their joy will spark yours. The picture is of our mess over last summer when my husband was out of state for three months. And when he was done playing? Cleaning it up with a warm wet cloth was another 10 minutes of activity.
Journal
Something bothering you? Take a moment to write it out. Letting it fester in your heart and mind is a sure fire way to let a seed of bitterness be planted. It’s an insidious weed that steals joy. Putting it to paper, you clear your mind and hopefully your heart seeing it all written out. From there, you can make a plan of action of what is bothering you, draining you, in a calm and collected manner.
For example: I have not been feeling appreciated. My husband told me last week that besides our son’s birthdays I shouldn’t plan anything because, in his mind, I’m not an adequate planner. What? WHAT?! Initially, I brushed it off. Except, it kept circling around in my thoughts, sowing bitterness with every orbit. I can’t plan anything? This bitter frustration built in strength until I took it to pen and paper for a cathartic release. I plan nearly everything in our lives and literally everything in this home. I plan when to purchase toilet paper, restock the pantry, and I plan when to stock the freezer around when our butcher has a massive sale. I plan food preservation in the summer with freezing and canning. I plan a menu every single day to best utilize our budget and our stocked pantry. I plan playdates for the tiny human, preschool days, and I plan swim lessons, summer camp, and soccer leagues. I plan our vacations, the rare date night, and I plan our holidays. I am planning with every season change stocking ahead clearance items for the tiny human to grow into and making sure we’re ready for each growth spurt.
I am constantly planning. The emotional labor in my home lies entirely with me. Instead of exploding in the moment in sheer and righteous rage, I brushed it off; but, unfortunately let it fester leaving me feeling as if “Why should I even care?”. I wrote out what was upsetting me and from there, with my thoughts clear and concise, I was able to calmly talk to my husband. He made an unkind statement over miscommunication from our Spring Break vacation as I couldn’t plan what days or how much he needed to study for midterms. It felt like a productive conversation when it was over, something that would not have happened if I didn’t gather my thoughts first.
Spend Time with Someone Who Builds You Up
A couple of months ago, I had a friend and her two little girls over to a play date. As the kids were all happy and playing, I sat down and built blocks with the youngest member of the group while the dynamic duo of three year olds chased one another around on scooters through my home. Her momma? Her momma loaded my dishwasher, wiped down my kitchen counter, and swept my kitchen floor because she could see from the state of my kitchen a reflection of our earlier conversation that I was feeling overwhelmed. When she left, I felt…uplifted. I felt as if I was given a head start and the rest of the race was going to be smooth sailing. I was able to turn around and give more love, give more patience, and just…give more to my family.
Do you know a mom who’s tank is running low? What can you do build her up?
So…what do you do when you’re feeling drained?
Love,
Jess
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