It’s been a few days since the news broke of the mass shooting in Atlanta. I had friends that reached out to see how I was handling the news and all I could say was that I was still “processing”. The thoughts that have been running through my head about this tragedy are so closely intertwined with everything that I have been thinking about in terms of my identity over the past year. On the surface…

I am livid. 

I’m angry that a white supremacist decided that the solution to his personal problem was to use the fetishization of Asians as a symbol of his temptation. To those that say race was not a motivator, I call bullshit. If he was trying to eliminate the temptation, then why would he only target Asian businesses that are miles apart? I’m sure there were at least a few sex toy shops along the way, but he didn’t stop there.  He specifically targeted Asian-run businesses because he sees Asian women as a threat and a problem. 

I’m angry that the Cherokee County police relayed the murderer’s claim that it was not racially motivated as fact, instead of making a determination based on his actions. 

I’m angry that the Hyun Jung Grant’s (one of the victims) sons have to grow up without any parents and that her eldest son has to figure out how to provide for his little brother.

I’m angry that Delaina Ashley Yaun’s (one of the victims) children, one who is only 8 months old, will grow up without their mom. 

I’m angry that the media hasn’t learned from past shootings and still focuses more on humanizing the shooter and his life than the victims. I’m also angry that at the beginning of the pandemic, the media used photos of Asians in face masks in articles that had nothing to do with the news story about COVID-19. It further perpetuated the myth that COVID was a Asian disease. 

I’m angry at the comments I see where the victims of the shootings are reduced to debates about whether or not they were sex workers and if they are deserving of our attention. (Hint to the correct answer: they are humans first and your fabricated outrage is irrelevant.)

I’m angry that a year ago, I was telling people that using terms like “Chinese Virus”, “China Virus”, and “Kung Flu” would have repercussions on my family, friends, and community– yet, my fear was minimized and questioned.