Dear Tracy,
I feel a little (okay, A LOT) exposed writing this, but like we’ve said from the beginning: we can’t be the only ones feeling x,y, or z. It’s one of the reasons we started this adventure of Maternity Fraternity.
So here goes: I have anxiety.
For most of my life it’s been a low hum in the background and after the birth of my son I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression…but it turns out as time goes by and hindsight is 20/20 it was definitely Post Partum Anxiety.
I have coping skills for the day to day low hum that is just a part of my life.
Growing up military meant any mental health issues were not openly discussed and either quietly dealt with or compartmentalized to deal with another day. I’m really good at both.
But, like a tide that rises, it becomes too much for periods throughout my life. When these things happen, I cannot insist enough that you should seek professional help.
Tell your doctor, ask for a referral to a counselors, a therapist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, but ask for help. It’s almost always given and always without judgement. Whether you take medication, go to therapy, or do both…whatever path you need to take is the one that is best for you. But I urge you to seek professional help when these times happen.
Now, onto my title: How to Parent Through an Anxiety Attack.
Project Calm
As best as you can, project calm. Yes, inside be as panicky as you need, but try your hardest to keep your words calm and even and kind. Sometimes anxiety comes out as anger and it’s much easier on the soul to keep calm in the moment than to apologize and ask forgiveness from a hurting child later.
Be Honest.
Your children can sense something is wrong. Depending on their age, explain what is happening. My son is 4 and I say, “Mommy’s brain sometimes goes too fast that that makes her heart go too fast. I just need to sit down/lay down for a moment, but when I’m done we can play.”
Give Them an Activity to Occupy Them
If you can…set up a video game, the play dough, some shaving cream and paint in a bowl or whatever will occupy them to take a moment for yourself. And if you can’t? No big deal. Kids will occupy themselves.
Lay Down.
Lay down against the wall, put your legs up in the air, and just be there. Sit down in a comfortable position. Whatever it is, be prepared to be there a little while.
Breathe.
Use your breathing exercises. (If you don’t have any, I recommend learning some!)
Remember This Will Pass
The anxiety attack will not last forever. Your racing heart will slow. The pain in your chest will ease. All the thoughts will settle. It will pass. And when it does?
Reconnect to Your Child
If your child has witnessed your anxiety attack, take a moment to reassure them that you are okay and how much you love them. Tiny humans aren’t the best about personal time and mine lays down with me for a time before getting bored and running off to go do something else.
You’re a good mother. It’s easy to feel like a failure, but you’re not. Anxiety is a liar. You are still a good mother. Your kid will be fine and by modeling coping skills you’re teaching your child by example how to take care of themselves.
And if you feel like you can’t do this? You can.
Love,
Jess
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