Dear Tracy,
Do you remember growing up amidst the “perfection is the key” to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Perfect grades, perfect behavior, and perfect everything?
What if it’s not?
I know, it sounds crazy when measured up to the internal dialogue of “Perfect”, but hear me out:
Today, while cleaning the kitchen, I didn’t have time to do a perfect job. I didn’t have the time to scrub my sink clean or scour the stove top.
But, are my clean dishes put away and dirty dishes loaded into the dishwasher? Is dinner in the crockpot? Is the counter clean? Are the floors swept? Are there pots drying from being hand washed? Yes. And it’s enough, for now, to make the kitchen clean and functional for other’s to use, but it’s not perfect. I could scrub the sink, the stove top, apply some furniture polish to the cabinets, tidy up some art projects drying on the counter top, and tackle the microwave; but right now it’s good enough. Why can’t Good Enough actually be Enough?
Good Enough is Enough
No, really. Good Enough is Enough.
I wish more mothers realized that they are a good enough mother.
Perfect? Doesn’t need to happen. Perfect children don’t exist. Why should perfect mothers?
We live in a digital age of parents sharing pictures of their “perfect” lives on social media. We know that we shouldn’t compare our messy lives to a curated collection, but I occasionally catch myself doing just that. Children dressed in matching outfits playing in a field of wildflowers with a picnic waiting with a hand crafted brioche loaf with an almond honey puree paired with an artisanal in season pectin free reduction. Like, let it go! Just let go of this mental picture of perfection you feel must be attained and just feed your kid an almond butter and jelly sandwich while they’re running around the yard shouting “You can’t catch me!” Because you kid doesn’t need you to be perfect. You kid just needs you to be present.
Present, not Perfect
Maybe we need to focus less on perfect and more on present.
A group of second graders in Louisiana were given the writing prompt “What do you wish was never invented?” The majority chose their parent’s phones.
Yeah, hit hard, that one did. That being said, there are no games on my phone aside from the phonetic apps for the tiny human. I make more of a conscious effort to put the phone down throughout the day and it’s never been allowed at the table, but (like all of us) there are simply moments that I need it. Grocery shopping, sharing pictures with the grandmothers, confirming play dates with others, making plans to keep our lives functioning, finding a recipe for taco seasoning for dinner tonight, orders from amazon for a new swim shirt and so much more that can be done. Those things I make an effort to do in the evening or when he’s at school, so when he’s with me…I’m with him. What matters is that we be preset for our children.
To paraphrase the inimitable Maya Angelou; Your children may not remember what you said, your children will forget the things you’ve done for them, but our children will remember how we made them feel…so make them feel like they matter more than the screen in your hand.
Mix the Play Dough
Go ahead and let your kid mix the play dough colors! It’s okay. Is it a mess? Oh yeah, I’m not even going to pretend it’s not a mix that looks like it climbed out of a 1950s B rated horror movie, but my son’s joy over rides my need to keep the colors separate. It’s an experiment in pigmentation. It’s exercise working the muscles in hands for writing. It’s self-guided exploration of his imagination. Why would I stifle that because the blue needs to stay blue?
So what if your kid’s play space isn’t organized down to the last car? At the end of the night are 95% of the hot wheels picked up and put away? Good enough.
You are Enough
You are enough, just the way you are. Your kid just needs you.
Love,
Jess
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