Dear Jess, 

I loved your post about the Teal Pumpkin Project. I had never heard of putting out a teal pumpkin before to symbolize being an allergy-free house during trick-or-treat. I’m so glad you made me aware. If you’re feeling exhausted a few states away, I’m sure there are parents in my neighborhood who are feeling the same way. 

So this week, I hauled my crabby toddler and baby to the craft store and bought a carve-able pumpkin and teal paint. In the check out line, I was chatting to the woman behind me about the coupons available, when she noticed my purchases. 

Dear Tracy,

This isn’t something that moms “should” say, but being a food allergy mom…is exhausting. 

When we’re out in public we have to be on high alert for well meaning people who pass out free samples in the grocery store. We have to be vigilant against other mothers in our childs’ classes who bring snacks or cupcakes or treats to class. We have to always check the labels of everything even if we’ve purchased it dozens of times before because corporations like to cut corners and make a buck swapping out ingredients. We have to be the shield between our child and a family member who doesn’t treat this as a life and death situation…or call you dramatic for getting angry over crumbly falling apart peanut butter trail bars brought into your home. (An actual thing that has actually happened in my home.) 

I feel you mommas. I feel you HARD. 

And that level of hyper vigilance cannot be maintained without consequences; namely…exhaustion.

And Halloween Candy?! 

It’s our worst nightmare, isn’t it? Strangers passing out Reese Cups into our kid’s bucket potentially cross contaminating anything in that previously peanut free treat collection? I’m about to have an anxiety attack just thinking about it. (No seriously, I have anxiety, I’m about to hyperventilate here people.) 

Dear Tracy, 

I’ve been thinking a lot on the themes of “best summer ever” and “self care” as the summer slowly slides into fall. 

As a kid, my mom would drag me back to her home town in the middle of nowhere Appalachia to experience a country summer. Summer days of riding bikes, picking blackberries, hiding in the apple orchard, being told don’t come back in until the street lamps come on, canning peppers, and soaking in the sunshine. 

One of the best parts of summer is the abundance of fruit in season. 

Strawberries are sweeter. Blueberries are bigger. Blackberries are sweeter. Peaches are the juiciest. 

One of the best parts of winter was my mom’s blueberry pancakes with summer berries she froze for that moment or my grandmother’s strawberry jam over fresh biscuits as I watched the snow come down in our Michigan home. If I want to give those same memories to my son, that means making jam now. 

It’s really a two-for-one activity. The best of summer fruits preserved in a fun summer afternoon with the tiny human -and- the self care of jam on scones in the months to come? Sign me up! 

Dear Tracy,

As someone with a southern mother (HI MOM!), I identify completely with the concept that Food is Love. 

We used to joke that my grandmother would hear the creak of the screen door and shout “There’s cornbread in the oven and beans on the stove!” before we even managed a single step into the house.

She’d have our favorite treats waiting for us. My dad’s favorite breakfast of honey buns, my momma’s secret love of bologna with olives, nutty buddy bars for us kiddos, and always a pan of cornbread fresh from the oven. Look, southern cooking isn’t healthy, but love is fried chicken with gravy or lettuce and onions fresh from the garden with salt pork grease poured over the mess of greens and it is delicious. 

When Alvin came home from a deployment that had severe rationing going on, he came home having lost 20 pounds in a year… my love came in the form of roast beef, homemade rolls, and collard greens cooked with bacon. 

And, when I married Alvin, I was introduced to a completely new food culture. 

So, I learned how to make Nin-Goh for New Years, loaves of nia bao milk bread, winter melon soup with ham, his grandfather’s meatballs, and proper rice. Yes, I actually had to learn how to make rice in a rice cooker. Who knew there were other brands than Minute Rice? Or that rice came in 20lb bags?! I researched soy sauces, stuffed bao recipes, and even started researching on how to ferment duck eggs. 

And then…food allergies came into our life. 

When our son was six months old, he did what all little ones do: swipe a bite off mom’s plate of eggs and toast. 

Within 10 minutes (because we lived 5 minutes away from the hospital) we were in the emergency room. His arm looks so tiny next to the needle that saved his life.  And again two months later for the soy in Gerber’s “meat” sausages. 

Overnight eggs, cow’s milk, peanuts, and soy left our home. 

No one wants to draw blood from a two year old, but we had to. We were informed by an allergist contracted by the Army that our son was immune to ALL tree nuts since he was fine with almonds and at 18 months…

I nearly lost my kid over a cashew cookie. 

So, only almonds allowed. 

And I cried. I cried over nearly losing my child to anaphylactic shock. I cried for having to hold down my screaming toddler and jab him with an epi-pen to save his life. I shake every time I see the scar where the needle scraped his soft baby skin. And I cried so hard, Tracy, for all the things my kid couldn’t have. I cried for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Reese cups, pop tarts, thai peanut noodles, pecan pie, quiche, banana pudding, char siu bao, siu mai, guotie, bo lo nai wong bao, dantat Portuguese egg tarts, s’mores, my grandmother’s fudge, coconut bao, and on and on and on. 

When I was done crying, two weeks later, I picked myself back up and promised my two year old son I would do by best to ensure he didn’t feel the loss. And that starts with research. 

Research 

Research food companies and check every box you pick up to bring into your home. And here’s the important part: KEEP CHECKING IT. Redundant? Sure. But, a cookie company that made the only vanilla wafers I could give my son started making macadamia nut cookies on the same equipment and only started six months ago. Keep checking every box every single time. If you’re just starting, I know how overwhelming this feels. You’ve just been thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim. Yet. Give it a few months, it becomes habit, and instead you’ll be standing in the grocery store looking at a popsicle box muttering “Why are there the potential of peanuts in banana freakin’ popsicles?!”

If a company says they use tree nuts on packaging, call the company. I literally make a phone call about every month to the Guittard Chocolate Company. Their help line is very kind and those tree nuts? Almonds. Safe for my kid to have. I just called 4 days ago to confirm it’s still just almonds. And I’ll call again the next time I go to purchase a bag of white chocolate chips. 

Substitute

Fried rice gets made with coconut aminos. Chicken gets marinated in coconut amino teriyaki. Salmon gets basted in coconut amino garlic sauce. 

Almond milk is actually pretty delicious. Coconut yogurt goes great with Bob Mill’s Gluten Free Pancake mix (the only one without powdered eggs I could find when I began this journey). Flax makes a pretty good egg substitute in meatballs and it’s apparently a super food. Real maple syrup tastes waaaaay better than butter flavored corn syrup. And you may find some recipes that become your new favorites along the way. 

It’s going to take some experimentation, but in time? You’ll find what works for your family. Your kiddle won’t feel the deprivation because you’ll make sure they’re never deprived. Why? Well, because you’ll make from scratch what you can’t buy in the store. 

Make it from scratch 

Can’t have store bought cookies? That’s fine. Make a batch of my favorite chocolate chip cookies with chocolate chips from an allergy free company . 

Can’t go to Olive Garden for breadsticks? That’s fine. Make a batch of homemade breadsticks to go with sausage and potato soup. 

If you want it, make it, and you may find you prefer the taste of your homemade version. 

One last thing…

Class Treats

And if you’re a mom who has a kid with food allergies in your daughter or son’s class needing an inclusive special treat?

My favorite allergen friendly store bought cookies are a big hit in my son’s class for special days. In fact, everything from EnjoyLife foods is allergen free of the top 8 allergies. 

Or, let the other mother know when you’re bringing in cupcakes, because I’ve happily brought a cupcake for my kid to enjoy at other people’s birthday parties. Which is a much better alternative to everyone having cake but him. It’s up to us, as adults, to consider the safety of the children in our sphere of contact to lead the example for how our children should act. Food allergies are on the rise and many are life threatening. 

With Love, 

Jess

P.S. And if there’s something you’re wanting to make that you can’t find a recipe or safe substitution for? Leave a comment. I will help you research and share ideas with you. 

Dear Jess,

Growing up in an Asian household, affection wasn’t given freely, but an abundance of food was. Food was our language. Treating someone to dinner at a restaurant? That’s Food for “I like spending time with you”. Knowing what someone’s favorite dish is and making that for their birthday? That’s Food for “I love you”. Making someone’s favorite food even though you don’t like it one bit? That’s Food for “I’m proud of you”.

When my son was able to eat solid foods, I spoke to my kid in Food by pureeing fruits and veggies and painstakingly squirting it into baby food pouches. He gobbled them up and kept asking for more. I was thrilled that my hard work was accepted and that I was able to nourish his squishy, chubby, little body with custom recipes.

I was killin’ the baby food game!

Then came the toddler years.

Meats, unless they were in the form of a nugget, ball or link, are chewed until it is complete mush and then spit back out. If it’s green, don’t even bother. We only stick to orange veggies– carrots, sweet potatoes, or butternut squash. This kid doesn’t even really like pizza! PIZZA! He eats it upside down, backwards and off of his plate so he only gets the crust and maybe a bit of cheese.

Kiddo eating pizza

I dreaded mealtimes. As soon as he was called down to the table, the whining began. Tears were shed (mostly mine) as I ended up spending an hour trying to feed him a few bites so he wouldn’t wilt into nothingness. I felt completely defeated. My baby who was above average in height and weight throughout his first year had now dropped down to the 25 percentile. Our pediatrician said everything was normal but I couldn’t help but feel like every meal that was rejected without even touching a bite, was personal.

I put a lot of pressure on myself and on the kiddo to eat the food that was put in front of him. I refused to become a “line cook” and only serve what he wanted. As a result, I dreaded dinner time, but I was stubborn and wanted him exposed to things other than “kid food”.

I can’t remember how long this went on. It could’ve been months or maybe even a year—I was delirious by the time I was introduced to a Healthy Eating class through our local Early Learning Center. I was so lucky to have attended this class. Every class had a topic that was introduced and we discussed specific issues we had in a roundtable format. The struggles I had were normalized through discussions with other moms; and even though I had read tons of articles about how to deal with a picky eater, it helped to have other people express these concepts out loud.

It’s been over half a year since I took the class, and while I still sometimes have difficulties practicing the concepts I learned, I feel more in control and effective. Here are some of the lessons I learned and ways I’ve started to teach my kiddo my language of Food: