Dear Tracy,
As someone with a southern mother (HI MOM!), I identify completely with the concept that Food is Love.
We used to joke that my grandmother would hear the creak of the screen door and shout “There’s cornbread in the oven and beans on the stove!” before we even managed a single step into the house.
She’d have our favorite treats waiting for us. My dad’s favorite breakfast of honey buns, my momma’s secret love of bologna with olives, nutty buddy bars for us kiddos, and always a pan of cornbread fresh from the oven. Look, southern cooking isn’t healthy, but love is fried chicken with gravy or lettuce and onions fresh from the garden with salt pork grease poured over the mess of greens and it is delicious.
When Alvin came home from a deployment that had severe rationing going on, he came home having lost 20 pounds in a year… my love came in the form of roast beef, homemade rolls, and collard greens cooked with bacon.
And, when I married Alvin, I was introduced to a completely new food culture.
So, I learned how to make Nin-Goh for New Years, loaves of nia bao milk bread, winter melon soup with ham, his grandfather’s meatballs, and proper rice. Yes, I actually had to learn how to make rice in a rice cooker. Who knew there were other brands than Minute Rice? Or that rice came in 20lb bags?! I researched soy sauces, stuffed bao recipes, and even started researching on how to ferment duck eggs.
And then…food allergies came into our life.
When our son was six months old, he did what all little ones do: swipe a bite off mom’s plate of eggs and toast.
Within 10 minutes (because we lived 5 minutes away from the hospital) we were in the emergency room. His arm looks so tiny next to the needle that saved his life. And again two months later for the soy in Gerber’s “meat” sausages.
Overnight eggs, cow’s milk, peanuts, and soy left our home.
No one wants to draw blood from a two year old, but we had to. We were informed by an allergist contracted by the Army that our son was immune to ALL tree nuts since he was fine with almonds and at 18 months…
I nearly lost my kid over a cashew cookie.
So, only almonds allowed.
And I cried. I cried over nearly losing my child to anaphylactic shock. I cried for having to hold down my screaming toddler and jab him with an epi-pen to save his life. I shake every time I see the scar where the needle scraped his soft baby skin. And I cried so hard, Tracy, for all the things my kid couldn’t have. I cried for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Reese cups, pop tarts, thai peanut noodles, pecan pie, quiche, banana pudding, char siu bao, siu mai, guotie, bo lo nai wong bao, dantat Portuguese egg tarts, s’mores, my grandmother’s fudge, coconut bao, and on and on and on.
When I was done crying, two weeks later, I picked myself back up and promised my two year old son I would do by best to ensure he didn’t feel the loss. And that starts with research.
Research
Research food companies and check every box you pick up to bring into your home. And here’s the important part: KEEP CHECKING IT. Redundant? Sure. But, a cookie company that made the only vanilla wafers I could give my son started making macadamia nut cookies on the same equipment and only started six months ago. Keep checking every box every single time. If you’re just starting, I know how overwhelming this feels. You’ve just been thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim. Yet. Give it a few months, it becomes habit, and instead you’ll be standing in the grocery store looking at a popsicle box muttering “Why are there the potential of peanuts in banana freakin’ popsicles?!”
If a company says they use tree nuts on packaging, call the company. I literally make a phone call about every month to the Guittard Chocolate Company. Their help line is very kind and those tree nuts? Almonds. Safe for my kid to have. I just called 4 days ago to confirm it’s still just almonds. And I’ll call again the next time I go to purchase a bag of white chocolate chips.
Substitute
Fried rice gets made with coconut aminos. Chicken gets marinated in coconut amino teriyaki. Salmon gets basted in coconut amino garlic sauce.
Almond milk is actually pretty delicious. Coconut yogurt goes great with Bob Mill’s Gluten Free Pancake mix (the only one without powdered eggs I could find when I began this journey). Flax makes a pretty good egg substitute in meatballs and it’s apparently a super food. Real maple syrup tastes waaaaay better than butter flavored corn syrup. And you may find some recipes that become your new favorites along the way.
It’s going to take some experimentation, but in time? You’ll find what works for your family. Your kiddle won’t feel the deprivation because you’ll make sure they’re never deprived. Why? Well, because you’ll make from scratch what you can’t buy in the store.
Make it from scratch
Can’t have store bought cookies? That’s fine. Make a batch of my favorite chocolate chip cookies with chocolate chips from an allergy free company .
Can’t go to Olive Garden for breadsticks? That’s fine. Make a batch of homemade breadsticks to go with sausage and potato soup.
If you want it, make it, and you may find you prefer the taste of your homemade version.
One last thing…
Class Treats
And if you’re a mom who has a kid with food allergies in your daughter or son’s class needing an inclusive special treat?
My favorite allergen friendly store bought cookies are a big hit in my son’s class for special days. In fact, everything from EnjoyLife foods is allergen free of the top 8 allergies.
Or, let the other mother know when you’re bringing in cupcakes, because I’ve happily brought a cupcake for my kid to enjoy at other people’s birthday parties. Which is a much better alternative to everyone having cake but him. It’s up to us, as adults, to consider the safety of the children in our sphere of contact to lead the example for how our children should act. Food allergies are on the rise and many are life threatening.
With Love,
Jess
P.S. And if there’s something you’re wanting to make that you can’t find a recipe or safe substitution for? Leave a comment. I will help you research and share ideas with you.
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