Dear Tracy, 

I’ve been thinking a lot on the themes of “best summer ever” and “self care” as the summer slowly slides into fall. 

As a kid, my mom would drag me back to her home town in the middle of nowhere Appalachia to experience a country summer. Summer days of riding bikes, picking blackberries, hiding in the apple orchard, being told don’t come back in until the street lamps come on, canning peppers, and soaking in the sunshine. 

One of the best parts of summer is the abundance of fruit in season. 

Strawberries are sweeter. Blueberries are bigger. Blackberries are sweeter. Peaches are the juiciest. 

One of the best parts of winter was my mom’s blueberry pancakes with summer berries she froze for that moment or my grandmother’s strawberry jam over fresh biscuits as I watched the snow come down in our Michigan home. If I want to give those same memories to my son, that means making jam now. 

It’s really a two-for-one activity. The best of summer fruits preserved in a fun summer afternoon with the tiny human -and- the self care of jam on scones in the months to come? Sign me up! 

Dear Tracy,

Thank you for taking a summer hiatus with me. 

As you know, the whole “18 summers with your kid” that’s been floating around social media hit me hard.

18?! That’s all I get?! And I’m already down three?! 

And I got knocked off balance trying to make it the best summer ever when I should have been reminding myself that childhood is already magical with a bike and a garden hose.

Or…in the case of these pictures, baking soda and vinegar mixed with old washable paint makes for a fun morning. 

So, we’re back from our unplanned (but necessary) hiatus which included some brain storming. 

Dear Jess, 

I’ve been in a punk rock phase recently. I’ve been blasting a 90’s and 00’s punk rock Spotify playlist any chance I get to drive around without the kids. It was during a kid-free errand run when a Relient K song stopped me in my tracks and made me tear up. Besides the beautiful melody, the lyrics really resonated with me:

I look on up to the sky
I wonder why I put a filter between beauty and my eyes
I look on up into your eyes
It’s time I put down my devices and I start to live my life
I look on up, I look on up to the sky

You see, I know all the research shows that having your phone out while you’re with the kiddos makes them feel unimportant. I realize that checking social media 20x a day is not healthy and doesn’t add any value to my life. I understand that I have more important things to do (even if that thing is something dreadful like folding laundry). But none of that stops me from glancing at my phone every time I walk past it or spending an extra 10 minutes scrolling through my news feed after answering an email. 

It’s a habit I desperately want to break. I want to be “present, not perfect” for my kiddos.  While for other people, it may be a simple solution of quitting cold turkey, for me, the majority of my work (blog writing and website building) revolves around electronics and social media, so it is much harder to get my phone use under control. The oxytocin boost I get from every “like” and “comment” makes me keep going back to my phone to check new notifications. While I know new “likes” cannot help me do anything substantial in the real world (wouldn’t it be great if we could exchange “likes” for things like desserts?) , I can’t stop opening an app every time I see that orange notification icon. 

Throughout the years, I’ve tried several detox methods with varying severity levels. Depending on what is happening in my life, I may need more or less help unplugging. Here are some easy to set up, practical ways I’ve limited my social media use throughout the years: 

Dear Tracy, 

In light of the news this week, I’d like to take a moment to reach out to those who may be suffering in silence at the moment. 

If you are in a dark place, if you have post partum depression, post partum psychosis, or everyday depression…please know there are people in your life who love you and are deeply grateful you are still here.

I’m grateful you are still here and I’m grateful to have you join our growing village of mothers lifting one another up. 

If you feel as if you are at the end of your endurance, Please, call the National Support Hotline

1-800-273-8255

You matter. Your life matters. The love you give and the impact you have on those around you, even if you don’t see it, matters more than you will ever know. Hold on. You matter. You are loved. 

With So Much Love,

Jess 

Dear Tracy,

Do you remember growing up amidst the “perfection is the key” to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Perfect grades, perfect behavior, and perfect everything? 

What if it’s not? 

I know, it sounds crazy when measured up to the internal dialogue of “Perfect”, but hear me out:

Today, while cleaning the kitchen, I didn’t have time to do a perfect job. I didn’t have the time to scrub my sink clean or scour the stove top.

But, are my clean dishes put away and dirty dishes loaded into the dishwasher? Is dinner in the crockpot? Is the counter clean? Are the floors swept? Are there pots drying from being hand washed? Yes. And it’s enough, for now, to make the kitchen clean and functional for other’s to use, but it’s not perfect. I could scrub the sink, the stove top, apply some furniture polish to the cabinets, tidy up some art projects drying on the counter top, and tackle the microwave; but right now it’s good enough. Why can’t Good Enough actually be Enough?