Dear Jess,
I’ve been in a punk rock phase recently. I’ve been blasting a 90’s and 00’s punk rock Spotify playlist any chance I get to drive around without the kids. It was during a kid-free errand run when a Relient K song stopped me in my tracks and made me tear up. Besides the beautiful melody, the lyrics really resonated with me:
I look on up to the sky
I wonder why I put a filter between beauty and my eyes
I look on up into your eyes
It’s time I put down my devices and I start to live my life
I look on up, I look on up to the sky
You see, I know all the research shows that having your phone out while you’re with the kiddos makes them feel unimportant. I realize that checking social media 20x a day is not healthy and doesn’t add any value to my life. I understand that I have more important things to do (even if that thing is something dreadful like folding laundry). But none of that stops me from glancing at my phone every time I walk past it or spending an extra 10 minutes scrolling through my news feed after answering an email.
It’s a habit I desperately want to break. I want to be “present, not perfect” for my kiddos. While for other people, it may be a simple solution of quitting cold turkey, for me, the majority of my work (blog writing and website building) revolves around electronics and social media, so it is much harder to get my phone use under control. The oxytocin boost I get from every “like” and “comment” makes me keep going back to my phone to check new notifications. While I know new “likes” cannot help me do anything substantial in the real world (wouldn’t it be great if we could exchange “likes” for things like desserts?) , I can’t stop opening an app every time I see that orange notification icon.
Throughout the years, I’ve tried several detox methods with varying severity levels. Depending on what is happening in my life, I may need more or less help unplugging. Here are some easy to set up, practical ways I’ve limited my social media use throughout the years:
Code Blue
Leave phone on counter. Disable notifications. We used to have charging cables all over the house. We could be plugged in while laying on the couch if we wanted. I got rid of all of them, except for the one on the kitchen counter. That way I would be more likely to leave my phone on the counter for the majority of the day. This worked most of the time, except when I kept hearing my notification sound go off for things I didn’t care about–like app updates.
That’s when I started paying attention to the notifications I was getting, and turning them off if they weren’t necessary. Pretty much every notification got silenced besides texts. All I had to do was press and hold the notification to set how I wanted to receive messages about that app.
Code Yellow
Only check phone during set times. Like most people, I need my phone for a lot of things. Phone calls with family and friends, making appointments, paying bills, work emails, etc. Not touching my phone all day is impossible. Which is why I sat down and determined which two hours I could designate as my “phone time”. Those two hours could be spent however I saw fit.
Code Orange
Install an app blocker. I am currently operating at a “Code Orange” level. I’ve had an influx of business recently and with that comes added time on the computer or phone. That rubbed off on my social media use. I tried all the methods under Yellow and Blue but I didn’t have enough self control to only check my phone during my set hours. So I downloaded an app called Appblock and it has helped so much!
I have the app set to block my top most time sucking apps from 9am-7pm with an hour of free time at lunch. The app blocks all of my notifications and if I mindlessly click on one of the blocked apps, a pop-up of how many times I’ve clicked the app that day appears. A scolding message, “Don’t waste your time and be productive”, accompanies the pop-up and guilt trips you to be more mindful of what your fingers are clicking. The only downsides are that if I have a day running errands and happen to have some free time, I can’t turn off Appblock without being connected to my charger.
I’m not sure if this is correlation or causation, but my toddler has not been acting out as much and I have had the patience to address his frustrations in a calm manner. Granted, I’ve only had this app downloaded for two weeks, but I haven’t had to take a box of toys away for “time-out” at all. *knocking on every wooden surface in the room*
Code Red
Completely uninstall the most time sucking apps from your phone. This was my solution after the 2016 elections. It was the only way I could not obsessively check Twitter to see what the news was or Facebook to see my friends’ reactions. I was obsessed with the news and I felt icky all the time. Every conversation with my husband was just me waiting for the best opportunity to bring up politics. Something had to go. And that something was Twitter, Reddit, and Facebook.
—-
There are many reasons why we need to take out our phones while the kids are running around. I am not trying to make you feel guilty if you want to look at your phone every once in a while. I just want to offer real world solutions to an addiction that is hard to kick. Let me know if you try any of these tips or if you have any of your own suggestions!
Love,
Tracy
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